Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Archbishop and the Funeral

I’m having to do more thinking about funerals right now, of course. Dad’s demise is obviously imminent and while I won’t be taking a leading role I am certainly having to think about what it all means.
The Archbishop Denis Hart of Melbourne has prompted a few more thoughts: I think he’s so right and so wrong all at once.
Yes, “football club songs” may not always be appropriate. But celebrating the life of the deceased is a very important part of what we do at a funeral. The wishes of the family do need to be taken into account (They’re more important than the wishes of the deceased, actually).
Yes, the funeral should emphasise the “solemn nature of death”. I agree that many funerals treat the reality of death in a trivial fashion. However, I suspect that the Archbishop’s solution and mine would be considerably different.
Yes, for some people, the funeral should be “a sacred rite rather than a secular celebration”. Unfortunately, the Archbishop doesn’t seem to realise that his perceptions about the sacred and those of most people these days do not coincide.
Yes, there may be some situations in which political and romantic songs and nursery rhymes are not appropriate. But NOT because they might “intensify grief”. Grief, Archbishop, is a perfectly normal function of bereavement. So I feel any funeral should provide for grief to be expressed.
That’s why funerals I used to take always had two separate sections. In the first, we reflected on the reality of the death of this person whose life we celebrate. In the second, we looked to the gap that will now be in our lives as a result of this death and we attempted to establish a climate in which grief can be appropriately expressed and worked through.
I have the feeling that the Archbishop would prefer to do neither.

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